Down With Global Distribution Lists!

Problem: Outlook/Exchange global distribution lists don't allow you to include members who are not Exchange users. This is very cumbersome in mixed workgroups where not all of the people are using the same email system. Hey, come on, the poor non-Exchange users deserve email, too, don't they?? Well, maybe not, but you might want to send them mail, anyhow.

Solution: Outlook/Exchange personal address books and Public Folders both allow you to add non-Exchange e-mail addresses to a distribution list. So, to solve the above issue, you can create a "Contacts Item" in the Public Folders, which are available to all your Outlook/Exchange users, and add any (non-Exchange) outsiders to a distribution list there.

Note: If you do this, anyone using this distribution list must also set the new "Contacts Item" to show as an e-mail address book, like this:

1. Right-click the new "Contacts Item" under the Public Folders.
2. Select Properties.
3. Select the Outlook Address Book tab.
4. Check the box labeled: Show this folder as an e-mail Address Book.
5. Hit Ok to save the change.

My First Survey

Problem: I really hate surveys. So, this "first" one might also be my last one. The problem is that they ask a lot of questions I don't care about, and there's always too many of them. The invitation always says something like, "Please take a few minutes to answer the following questions." Three hours later I'm asking myself, how in the hell did I get sucked into this? Or they say, "I'm trying to save the world from the scourge of acne." Well, I haven't had acne in 2 years (or so). Why would I care about that? You rarely run into a really good survey. For example, one time on Saturday Night Live, Father Guido Sarducci was doing a street survey and he was asking just one question, "If fish had ears, do you think they would be better listeners?" Now that's my kind of survey! Only, I don't recall if he ever got a good answer.
Anyhow, I guess sometimes surveys are necessary. So, if you have to do one for some reason then the question is how to do it with the least amount of grief on your part.....

Solution: Survey Monkey. Need I say more? What a great product! It practically does the whole survey for you.
I needed to learn something about the product so I could help someone at work use it. I decided to practice by doing my own survey. I found that you do need to sign up for the service, which I normally hate to do. But, I was willing to sign up because, with Survey Monkey, small surveys are free; there's no obligation. So, I signed up, logged on and followed the dialog; and in literally a few minutes I had a survey ready to be sent to my lucky respondents. If you're interested seeing how the process works, just go to SurveyMonkey.com and see for yourself.

Now, for my survey results:

1. If you've never done a survey before, what's the first thing you want to know? Is it how do we stop the next terrorist attack? Or, ...... Who will be the next American Idol? Or, ..... Will Hillary run? No. You want to know if people like you. To get the best results, you design your first question to dupe your respondents into answering the way you want. You do this by making 4 of the 5 possible answers favorable to you. (It also helps to send the questionaire to only family and close friends). Because of this, 90% of the respondents "like" me. The 1 that doesn't must have just slipped up with the mouse.
2. Then, you want to get to the real meaty questions. Like, "Is Keith Primeau faking his injury?" The answers to this one shocked and horrified me. Most of the respondents don't even know who he is!! Come on people, get into Hockey! (I guess McNabb or T.O. would make better survey material, even in the off season). Anyhow, the 2 people who know of Keith Primeau said he isn't faking.
3. Nobody wanted to buy the Taj Mahal. I guess this is no surprise since 2 of my respondents said they already own it. Come on now; there's only 1 Taj Mahal! So, .......which one of you really own it? Most of the respondents didn't want any of the things I suggested.
4. The favorite food, by far, is steak. Beer and pizza came in 2nd with equal percentages, and M&M's were a close 3rd. Since Pizza and M&M's both showed some good numbers, I'm surprised that only 1 respondent chose M&M pizza.
5. Question 5, "Are the questions on this survey fair?", was a trick question. All but 1 of my respondents thought the only answer was "Yes", so that's what they chose. I thought my questions were clearly not fair. One sly respondent simply skipped the answer rather than replying "Yes" (Bravo!).
6. Question 6 showed that only a few of people were even confused by question 5. The other 70% were almost evenly divided between not confused and don't care if it was confusing. Wow!
7. All respondents either refused to tell their age or just plain lied about it. Interesting .. :o)
8. Most of the respondents gave exact outside temperature readings, which really impressed me. I never know what the outside temperature is when I myself am inside. And then, some poor people sadly didn't understand the question; one person said, "cloudy."
9. The highest percentage of the respondents once owned "A little red wagon". Strangely enough, no one admitted to ever owning just a monkey or just a skunk. However, someone had multiple things from the list......(See below).
10. When I asked what people would do to me for making them take this survey, I got a wide variety of answers, mostly innocuous little threats. The only scary one is, "I'm going to send him my skunk with a pocket protector in a little red wagon." (See what I mean?). The only other response that's a little bit threatening is, "(I will) Try to forget he is my brother." I guess my sister thought I wouldn't be able to figure out who wrote that one (HAH!).

Anyhow, thanks for the help with my survey!!

HPBPRO.exe

Problem: A user reported serious response time problems on her machine while trying to open attachments in Outlook and while accessing various internet links within Internet Explorer. It's still not clear what was really causing the problem, but Filemon showed very heavy file activity from HPBPRO.exe. It's apparently part of the HP Toolbox product, which is non-essential to the operation of the HP printers. Lots of hits on the internet indicated that the program was causing performance problems. And, there was a lot of discussion about how to remove HPBPRO, but it was not clear which was the best way (It's not an item in Add/Remove Programs). Simply renaming the file in the Windows\System32 directory didn't completely stop related file activity. There was still an SVCHOST task trying to execute it.

Solution: I navigated to C:\Program Files\Hewlett Packard\Tools and found an Uninstall program. After I ran this, all file activity related to HPBPRO.exe stopped. All is well so far. If we have any fallout from this, I'll update the post....

Mac Server Share Points

Problem: The user reported that no one could logon to the Macintosh network from any of the workstations. After I verified that I also could not logon, I logged onto the X Server as Administrator and found that the "Users" share point was listed, however it only contained a few userids (including mine). Looking further I found that there was now a "Users1" directory which contained all the real user profiles. Apparently, the RAID device which contains all the user profiles and data for the network had dropped connectivity for some amount of time, releasing the "Users" share point (The RAID device was later found to be hung and in need of a firmware upgrade) . When a few users attempted to logon, a new "Users" share point was mounted and captured those few userids, but the system would not allow them to logon. In the mean time the RAID device reconnected and created the "Users1" share point, since "Users" was already mounted.

Solution: To work around this situtation and allow people to logon, we renamed the "Users" directory to "XUsers" and then renamed the "Users1" directory to "Users". This allowed the users to find the correct path to their user profiles. The final fix was to upgrade the firmware and restart the RAID device.

Printers That "Don't Print"

Problem: The user reported that her printer wasn't printing. The first thing I usually try is to print a test page; if it doesn't print I can usually see the print in the queue and then determine what the problem is. In this case, the print flashed through the queue and disappeared into limbo. Gone without a trace. I remembered that I had seen this problem before and spent many hours trying to resolve it by reloading drivers until I was completely frustrated. As a desperate last resort, I did the following.......

Solution: This is difficult so you might have to write it down:

1. Unplug the power cord
2. Wait about 30 seconds
3. Plug in the cord

Fooling Exchange

Problem: A user reported that each time she got a meeting invitation, Exchange was also sending the invitation to another account in the office next door (her boss). I checked all the usual settings in her Outlook configuration and could find no reason for the invitation being forwarded. All attempts to figure out what was causing this failed.

Solution: This is not a solution, but a workaround. I exported her mail to a .pst file and saved her Outlook data strored in her user profile (both the Application Data\Microsoft\Outlook and the Local Settings\Application Data\Microsoft\Outlook paths). I also saved her Desktop, Favorites and My Documents directories from her user profile. I then had the administrator delete her Exchange mailbox and her Windows userid. After he redefined her userid and mailbox and reset the permissions on her server directory, I had her logon to recreate her local user profile. I launched Outlook to re-establish her Outlook connection to the Exchange server and restored all her saved Outlook settings. At the end of all this she was able to get a meeting invitation without forwarding the phantom invitation to her boss.

I have no idea why this worked, but it's okay so far. I have my fingers crossed (as I often do in this business)

The New Postal Worker

Problem: If you’ve been reading my blogs, you might have noticed that I’ve been having trouble getting along with people, lately. It’s true; I admit it. And it is a problem; people are normally better to deal with than machines. I’ve always complained that my life is ruled by machines. This is what I was thinking as drove to the Post Office Saturday morning. I went very early so I wouldn’t have to deal with any people, but then I remembered my many bouts with the Post Office vending machines, which if they weren’t completely empty, were at least out of the stamps I needed.

Anyhow, my mom, bless her heart, had handed me a small package to mail. She had said 2 stamps should be enough. As I briefly hefted the package I told myself that there’s no way the USPS is going to take this anywhere for $.74. (Mom still remembers penny post cards). So, I was on my way to the Post Office scales and vending machines to overpay for another package, as always.

Solution: I walked into the Post Office and right before me stood the New Postal Worker. My first thought was, Oh, damn, here we go again. But much to my surprise and delight, here’s how the dialog went:

New Postal Worker: How may I help you? Information? Stamps? Sending a package?
me: Sending a package.
NPW: What’s the Zip Code of the address on the package?
me: 07101
NPW: Place the package on the scale to your left.
me: I did.
NPW: Your package weighs 1 lb, 4.30 oz. It will cost you $1.35 to send it to Newark, NJ by Tuesday. If this is not okay, there are other choices with different prices and delivery dates. Do you want the $1.35 option?
me: Yes.
NPW: Would you like to purchase postage for the $1.35 option?
me: No.
NPW: If your package has some postage but not enough would you like to purchase the balance?
me: Yes.
NPW: How much postage do you already have?
me: $.74.
NPW: (The display showed a 3” x5” label with postage printed on it and asked), Will this label fit on your package without covering the address and return information?
me: No.
NPW: Okay, I’ll give you a normal size stamp, okay?
me: Yes.
NPW: How would like to pay for this, Debit or Credit?
me: Credit.
NPW: Please swipe your card in the reader to your right.
me: I did. A few seconds later a self adhesive stamp for $.61 appeared from a dispenser in front of me.

As I stood dumbfounded…….

NPW: Is there anything else I can do for you today?
me: (hmmmm) ……. How much do you charge to change a light bulb?
NPW: Sorry, sir. I’m here 24 hours a day. I really don’t have time to change a light bulb.
me: Figures.

So, whatever; I don’t expect things to get any better with people, but the prospects for machines are looking up.

How many mechanics......

Here's the latest on the problem below: Nothing. Yeah, that's right, nothing. They don't call; they don't write ......... I guess I was too quick to assume that my one contact from the company might help. Oh well, deep down I sort of knew this would happen. Anyhow, this note will always be here to remind them about their poor customer service. Anyone else reading this won't know who it's about, ........ but they'll know. At least one person at the company saw it. I can't wait until the corporate quality assurance people call and ask about our experience .... :o)

Problem: ..................... does it take to change a light bulb?

We recently took a vacation trip to be with our grandchildren and to get away from the day-to-day stress. Things were going fine for a while, until we ran into one of those situations where you need help; it occasionally happens to all of us. We needed help to complete the trip. When you're far from home sometimes it's hard to know where to turn, so you look for someone you can really trust. That's what we did, and went there.

As it turned out, our problem was not very serious, but the bill for the work was unnecessarily high. The disappointment quickly turned to anger when we tried to dispute the bill and were turned down with no recourse. My wife is faster to react so she began to immediately state her case. I was in a slow burn; I've learned that if I'm too quick to respond in situations like this, I say all the wrong things. Anyhow, as the arguing continued all eyes in the room turned to us, and as the situation further degraded I watched the reactions of other people. Most were quiet but focused on the action. One person behind the counter smirked and shook her head; she seemed almost amused. I got the impression that they knew they had us and just didn't care.
During the exchange we were never offered the option to talk to anyone else about the problem nor were there any apologies. So, we paid the bill and drove away unsatisfied.

Solution: Later I was able to get the attention of one person at the company who seemed to care about this. He was very friendly and apologetic. He was also willing to settle the matter fairly. I guess the solution in this case would have been to find this person sooner, settle things and move on. It's unfortunate that things had to get so nasty before they got any better. At this point recieving a possible rebate for the work is insignificant, (although our friendly contact agreed to this and I trust that he'll follow through). My consolation is that I finally got the attention of one person who would listen. And I think my voice was heard.

At any rate, I can always write this all off to entertainment. Hey, why not? I was on vacation ..... :o)

Not So DynamicHCP

Note to self: Try to be a better person. Don't only blog when you're pissed; people will stop listening to you (Yeah, like they do anyway!). I'll blog whenever I please, thank you.....

Problem: During your career your boss will occasionally give you something to do that you don't understand. Not usually a problem. Good soldiers follow the marching orders, whatever they might be. If she wants this or that done, what the hell, I'll do it. After all, she IS the boss. However, some of these things are very cumbersome, time consuming or border on the rediculous. That's when you begin to question them. The "problem" I'm going to discuss was not initiated by my boss this time; she's a victum of this one, too. It's out of our control. The PROBLEM is that we're stuck doing something that no one can explain! Here it is: We, like everyone else, have a limited number of IP addresses to go around. We still have a lot of static addresses defined and we realize that they are not all in use at the same time. So, the thing to do is start using DHCP so we can make the best use of a scarce resource. Fine. However, our Networking Group, the owners of all our IP addresses, has decided to issue only dedicated addresses through DHCP. That's right, back to static addresses by another name. So much for saving addresses. Then to top it off, we have this really nice process to assign one of these dedicated addresses. Like this: To get a machine on the network, we have to send a note to the Networking Group requesting an IP address to be issued for a specific MAC address, stating the location of the machine and the person responsible for the machine. We get an automated email thanking us for the request. Then we wait. Hours later we get a note back from a real person (I think), containing the address that we can use. Then we hard code the address in the machine long enough to logon to the network and "register" the address for the MAC address we requested. Then we un-code the address and release it. Now we wait again. After a minimum of 10 minutes we start the process of 'IPCONFIG /release', 'IPCONFIG /renew', 'IPCONFIG /release', 'IPCONFIG /renew', 'IPCONFIG /release', 'IPCONFIG /renew', ......... until finally the registration process issues this now-dedicated address back to the machine. Sound like fun?? Remember it's not nice to laugh at someone else's misery. I think I heard that somewhere.

Anyhow, I approached my boss today and said....
Me: "Look, I don't mind doing things that are really stupid as long as someone can give me a very good reason."
Boss: "I know what you mean; it's driving me nuts, too."
Me: "Do we really have to do this?"
Boss: "Yes."
Me: "Is there a reason?"
Boss: "Yes."
Me: "Well ....., what is it?"
Boss: "Well, the reason isn't very clear."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Boss: "Well, no one in Networking can explain it very well, but they say it's very important. And they're the ones who issue the addresses, ......so...."
Me: "Help me out here. This is driving me crazy. I'm ready to shoot myself. Please...."
Boss: "What do you want me to do?"
Me: "Give me something. Lie to me if you have to."
Boss: "Okay. They've found that managing the network this way is a cure for cancer of the spleen."
Me: "......................................................................."
Me: "Well, why didn't they say so?"

Solution: All you have to do is ask the right question, I guess. Seriously, I can't think of any reason for doing this. If anyone knows a better reason than the cancer thing, please let me know and I'll put your solution here. Until then I'll have to stay away from fire arms.

Passwords

Problem: I recently had a running gun battle with one of my colleagues. It was about passwords. This all started when I got a monthly email from a newsletter service (I guess to remind me that I was a member) which showed my password in clear text, yes right in the email!! I immediately canceled the newsletter and asked the service to remove my password from their database. They quickly obliged but wanted to know what was the problem, so one of the technical staff sent me an email about it. He listened to my reason but then quickly brushed it off by implying that newgroup passwords are not serious passwords and that I should never use any password that I really care about for this. He said to re-subscribe and use a "silly" password; after all, it's just for changing the newsletter options. He also said that I should attend some of their meetings and maybe I would know these things. (Seeing red yet? I was).

Well, I didn't resubscribe and don't intend to. In this day and age everybody should take every password seriously. Identity theft has grown to epidemic proprtions. The need to keep passwords secret and unguessable has become absolutely mandatory. If someone offers a service that requires you to supply a password, they have an OBLIGATION to protect that password as if it were their own. No one else can decide which of your passwords are the serious ones and which are the silly ones. THEY'RE ALL SERIOUS, DAMMIT!! I'm not going to bore you with all the reasons for protecting passwords; you've heard them all a million times. I'll just state the few simple rules that I go by......

Solution:

1. Never write a password down.
2. Never tell anyone what it is.
3. Avoid using dictionary words.
4. Use as many special characters as you can remember.
5. Never allow the password to be easily guessable.
6. Last but not least: Cancel any password-controlled subscription which shows that it doesn't take your passwords seriously .... :o)

Read-Only Access Databases

Problem: There doesn't seem to be a good way to allow some people to update Access Databases and others to only read the same databases. The locking file becomes a major obstacle. Microsoft suggests that we instruct the read-only people to just open the database in read-only mode. ....... :o) ...... Yeah, like that's going to happen. They have other solutions, though, like go into the file properties and make the database read-only; not a good solution either (then I can't update it either). And the topper: control access with that nice user-level security feature they have in Access. Even Microsoft says this "can be a daunting task". No thanks, I'd rather spend the weekend in traction. Anyhow, a colleague found a way to do this; it might seem a little cumbersome, but it's better than any of the above....

Solution: Make a replica of the database (Tools/Replication), and store the replicated file in a separate directory. The original copy of the database becomes the "Design Master". The Replica can be updated as well as the Design Master, under normal circumstances. But the point of this solution is to make the replica read-only to some people but also allow others to update the data. To do this, set NTFS permissions on the separate directory allowing the updaters full control and the rest of the users read-only. At the same time, set NTFS permissions on the design master giving the updaters full control and no one else any access. The updaters can continue using the design master for updating the database; after each update they can synchronize with the replica (again, Tools/Replication/Synchronize..... ). The non-updaters view the data using only the replica. Easy as cake.

Thanks, George!

Outlook - Note to Self

Problem: A user noticed that when she looked at her mail on Outlook (Exchange Client) she had a number of read and unread messages. When she looked at the same account using Webmail she saw only unread mail. I took an initial look at the problem but couldn't find any settings on Webmail that would cause this; I had to do some research.

Solution: She found the answer herself. The Webmail session was set to show only unread messages. She selected the pulldown arrow next to "Inbox" and changed it from "unread messages" to "messages".

Note to self: drink more coffee in the morning.

"Unable to find required library"

Problem: While attempting to use an HP Scanjet 5400c scanner for saving a document in editable form using XP Pro, we got the following error: "Unable to find required library". After reloading the newest driver from HP, we still had the problem.

Solution: It turned out to be a known problem; the fix is on the HP driver page for this device: See here. Guess it wasn't time to build a new driver with the fix included......

MS Word 2003 Error While Opening document

Problem: A user reported that she couldn't open a Word document that other users in her group could open without a problem. She was running Office 2003; some of the others were also running Office 2003, but at least one person was running Office 2000. When she attempted to open the document, she got the following error:

Word experienced an error trying to open the file. Try these suggestions.

* Check the file permissions for the document or drive.

* Make sure there is sufficient free memory and disk space.

* Open the file with the Text Recovery converter.

Of course none of the suggestions worked. In fact, when we tried the Text Recovery, it recovered the text all right, but none of the graphics that were previously in the document were "recovered". This effectively corrupted the file for the whole work group.

Solution: As it turns out, it was a known problem, fixed by Microsoft KB828041, which is a critical update included in Office 2003 Service Pack 1. (Office 2003 SP1 was obviously not on this machine). You can read the article at your leisure, but it had to do with editing the document (in this case, editing a graphic) with a previous version of Word and then using the document with Office 2003.

Moral: Before spending too much time on problems with Office, make sure all the Office updates are applied ..... :o)

A Lesson in Drive Mapping....

Problem: A user couldn't access the files on her network share, which was mapped to her E: drive. At first look, it appeared to be a very odd situation. I opened the network drive but didn't see any of the expected files or folders. What I did see was about a dozen shortcuts to locations on her C: drive. She said that these were created when she dragged and dropped folders onto the E: drive. A closer look showed that the E: drive window appeared to be a writeable CD window (????). I went to the Disk Management console and found that, sure enough, the CD drive was designated "E:".

Solution: I changed the CD drive letter to D: (as it should have been). Then I disconnected and remapped the network drive as E:. It took a reboot to finish up, but she was then able to get to her normal files and folders on her network share.

Lesson: The user must have booted one time with another drive attached (maybe a flash drive?), which must have used D:, and pushed the CD drive down to letter E:. Then when the logon script attempted to also use E:, the mapping got corrupted. Moral: When scripting network shares, use letters that are farther down the alphabet, leaving room for the occasional removable device.

Disappearing Act

Problem: Occasionally, when working on new laptops with both wireless and wired NICs, the wired LAN Connection disappears. It seems to only happen when I switch to the wireless connection. Unfortunately, when I want to switch back to the wire, I can't connect to the network. So far the wired LAN Connection always comes back after a reboot. I hope this isn't some nifty new "feature" I didn't know about. If so, I don't like it!!

Solution: ??

My Favorite Prayer .....

Problem: First the prayer, then I'll get to the problem:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

(Okay, so that's out of the way)

Now, what the hell is it with dbx files!!!!!? I guess I'll never be able to figure out why people design things the way they do. Maybe they want to provide me with something to do for the rest of my life or maybe they just enjoy watching me squirm. Whatever the reason, I keep running into these idiotic situations that really ought to have a simple solution but seem to be made intentionally difficult.

We have a poor user that, for whatever reason, lost her local mail after a reinstallation of her Outlook Express profile. I didn't do this, so I don't know how it happened, but I was told that all the data is there, in the form of dbx files. Fine. All I need to do is import them into Outlook Express, ............. Right? .............. WRONG!! When I follow the Microsoft instructions I get a nastygram that tells me the files can't be imported because they are in use. I even get this message when I copy the files to another location and attempt the import. Is it just me, or does everyone have these problems? If anyone should be able to read the dbx files and import them into OE, it ought to be Microsoft, shouldn't it? So, I searched the internet for a solution and find nothing but a bunch of 3rd party products that claim they can do it. I tried a freebie; (I won't mention any names) you guessed right, it didn't work. Then I downloaded a couple "evaluation" products to see if they might do the job. But as evaluation products go, they give you just enough of a taste of success to keep you interested, but don't really do the job until you pay up; I can understand this. I'd probably do the same thing. What I can't understand is why I can't find a Microsoft solution!! (I know, I've GOT to stop this crazy talk). But seriously, if there is an MS solution, I will gladly apologize. Anyhow, ........

Solution: I'll pretend that there is a solution and hope that I find it. If I do, I'll post it here. If not, I'll keep repeating the prayer, .......

Okay, here it is: I was able to obtain a copy of Mail Navigator to solve the problem. The Mail Navigator browser allows you to open and format dbx files into readable messages. At this point you can decide if you want to put them back into Outlook Express. If so, you can select all messages and do a save as .... Eudora Mailbox. Once you have the Eudora Mailbox, you can open Outlook Express and do an import "messages"; navigate to the saved Eudora file, select the file and PRESTO! You're back in business. (Thanks, Mail Navigator ... :o)

Quickbooks POS

Problem: A customer is running Quickbooks Point of Sale software to manage a small retail business. She downloaded and installed an Update, bringing her Version 4 software up to release level 5. After the update, she found that she could no longer get a dialtone from her modem when processing a credit card sale. After swiping the card, she got a message that said "connecting to server", but the message eventually timed out and she got another message indicating no dailtone. A test of the modem proved that it was working fine for other things. We wern't able to find any documentation on the vendor's web site about this.

Solution: The Intuit Support Center seemed to know immediately what was causing the problem. They pointed out that the error was due to their program EFTSVR.exe not running. They had us manually launch the program, after which we were able to process the credit card sales. Something in the release 5 upgrade caused this; to-date the Support Center is still working on a fix. As a workaround we put the EFTSVR.exe program in the Windows Startup menu.

Unfortunately, there still isn't much documentation on this. Other users of the POS software must be going nuts trying to figure this out, unless they just happen to know all about the EFTSVR.exe program and how it works. If so, they're smarter than me (which actually wouldn't be too surprising to most people ...... :o)

Death Watch

Problem: I'm writing this on a machine which I though was completely dead. In fact it might die before I get done with the posting. It has had the most bizarre set of problems I've ever seen up until about 4 hours ago. I was up working on it until 3:00 am this morning, slept a few hours and then got right back to working on it. I was alternating between installing XP for about the 6th time, running diagnostics and removing components. I really thought it was ready for the trash; it might still be. The really frustrating thing is that the machine would seem to run fine from the initial OS install through SP2 and all the current virus definition updates. Then I would install the latest Windows updates and the machine would go haywire. The reboot after the updates wouldn't finish; it would get a BSOD which flashed by before I could read it and then the system would recursively reboot. I also got various messages like:

• Dell E771a hardware error
• Recursive WMI failures (while downloading Windows fixes)
• Total system hangs; no cursor movement
• Odd screen settings, like classic Windows display settings when I didn't even choose them. After a reboot the settings would change back to Standard XP

I was thinking, this has got to be hardware, right? Wrong! I ran extended diagnostics this morning on all system components. It took 7 hours and I didn't find a single error! Damn .........

Solution: I'm trying not to get my hopes up but this is the longest the machine has run in 2 months. What I've done so far on this rebuild is:

• Install XP
• Install McAfee and get the current definitions
• Install SP2
• Run sfc to check for corrupt files (sfc.exe /scannow). While this was running I got several WMI failure notices.
• Run CHKDSK /F (which says it fixed some files)

At this point there are some Windows updates ready to install. As soon as I complete this posting I'm going to run the updates. If the machine comes back up, I'll update the blog to let you know it worked. If it didn't work you'll know by the sound of me kicking the damn tower all the way to my trash can and cussing all the way back.....

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . (^%#$^%$&%)

4 days later - You probably guessed that it didn't work!

Since I find it very difficult to throw away hardware no matter how flawed it might be, I haven't completely given up yet. Stay tuned .......

Many days later - After a few days of going blind while trying to read the BSOD, a split second at a time, I was finally able to see that the Stop Code was C000021a (fatal something or other....). I did some internet searches on the Stop Code and found some interesting hits. Thanks to the hard work of some diligent people on the CNet XP Forum, I finally got to the bottom of this. It turns out that the problem was caused by applying MS hotfix #890859, Article MS05-018. The CNet thread suggested turning off automatic updates, which I had already done. Then they suggested going to the Windows update site and choose Custom Install instead of Express Install. In the Custom Install dialog, uncheck fix #890859 and mark the fix as hidden. Then install the rest of the fixes. This did the trick! Thanks guys!!!

Note: To-date the MS article still doesn't warn us about this problem ......

Time Marches On ......

Problem: I have a friend who just turned 60. I'll call him Jonald so as not to reveal his name.. :o)
Jonald used to live right next door, so I saw him almost every day for 15 years, or so. Now I hardy ever see him; he's always on the go. But, I get these odd phone calls every now and then saying things like, "Hey Ron, I need to park in your driveway for a couple of hours". The car will magically appear and be there for awhile. Then I'll get another call, "Hey Ron, I picked up the car, just to let you know it was me who took it, so you won't report it stolen", (heh, heh, as if I was really watching it). Anyhow, he's like a phantom; I never see Jonald. It's tough and unsettling. I don't know if I miss him or if I'm just going through some weird withdrawal. But all this is beside the point. The PROBLEM is, this 60 thing. It's got to be driving him nuts! Everybody hates aging, but for someone like Jonald who is so incredibly busy, time must be flying. He's running as fast as he can but he never seems to catch up. He's gotta wonder where the time is going. I can't help him with the aging process. All I can hope to do is try and cheer him up.....

Solution: 10 things to help cheer up poor OLD Jonald:

1. Just because you're 60 now doesn't mean the chicks will lose interest. You see, they were never really interested in your looks. It was always the money.
2. You're one of the few people I know that can actually still blow your own horn and get applause.
3. Same goes for the singing. Most of us sound like wounded mammoths when we try to sing. Not you. You still sound almost good.
4. Your new neighbors get to enjoy the singing and playing at all hours of the day (and night), that we no longer get to hear. This one actually benefits them, but it must be very gratifying for you, too.
5. You have the most wonderful kids that I have ever known. What a blessing, but I've always wondered how they got so smart. Oh well, they say it takes 2 to tango.
6. I understand that the Chrysler Executive Lease Program has been extended to allow you 23 new cars per year, up from the 16 that you've been accustomed to.
7. Smyrna has been taken off the list of Delaware land designated as Flood Plain. So, if the creeks don't rise, it really might not be a bad place to retire.
8. You're a full 10 years older than you need to be to get Senior Rates at all the Comfort Inns - Worldwide!! Think of the travel opportunities! Be careful though, the same is not true for Motel 6. You'll have to wait 5 more years for that.
9. At your advanced age you have only slightly less hair than me! I hate to mention this, but I'm 6 months older. Sorry.
10. You still have us, your ex-neighbors right up the road, in case you need anything. As soon as you let us know exactly where you live we'll know where to send the Meals on Wheels people.

Now that's sure to cheer him up...........