Chinese Laundry Conspiracy

Problem: I'm far away from home and I have a semi-formal event to attend. I was smart enough to pack one pair of dress pants, one pair of black socks, one belt, one pair of non-sneakers, one tie and one dress shirt. Man I'm really on top of things this time! I even remembered the tooth brush and razor. Nothing can stop me now. So I get all this stuff out and start to get dressed. Everything survived the trip and looks great. Well, almost everything. The shirt looks like hell. It's got more wrinkles than a 200-year-old Floridian sun worshipper. So I borrow an iron and try to make it look presentable. Well, this turns out to be impossible. No amount of heat and steam and pressing and cussing does any good. So I borrow some of that nice spray startch. Huh, that's a wonderful idea. Now the iron sticks to the shirt; GREAT!! Now I'm really screwed. Anyhow, while all this is going on I'm thinking: the pants made the trip okay; I don't have to iron them; the socks are fine; nobody even sees them. What's with the shirt? They can make wrinkle free shirts can't they? If they can make wrinkle free shirts, why the hell would they ever make another wrinkly one? It doesn't make any sense. Then it hits me. Somebody wants the shirts to be wrinkled. I'm sure of it. But who? Who could possibly benefit from all the wrinkly shirts? Well, the answer wasn't far away. In fact, I had it right in my hands. I looked at the tag in the shirt and saw those familiar words we all see so much these days: Made in China. THAT's IT!!!! The damn Chinese are doing this! I should have known it was them. They make everything these days; they're taking over the world. And, it's not bad enough that they're making everything. They're also supporting their relatives here who operate all the laundries, by forcing us to send them all of our damned wrinkly shirts!! Wake up America!! Put a stop to the conspriacy!!

Solution: Don't send out your shirts to be ironed. Throw away your irons and ironing boards. Don't ever iron anything, ever again. When you walk into church or a nice restaurant or the theater with all your disgusting wrinkles, ignore the nasty stares and comments. The fashion statement will eventually catch on; Don't worry, America will get used to the new look, and we'll defeat the conspiracy. It really is a conspiracy, you know...........